Saturday, April 5, 2014

into the 20 year void a story about a son. all in all is all we are

Todwy my friend got married, monday is my wifes birthday, I turn 32 may third. I saw nirvana play at bayfront park as a child. I have his autograph and concert ticcket in my office. All my heroes are dead. Elliott smith jeff buckley and kurt. The first music I fel in love with. I bought inutero in fifth grade and got my first Pl ixies sonic youth nirvana underground tape a month after kurt died while in middle school. Im an obsessive nirvana fan. I danced to drain you at my wedding. Mission accomplished.

I wonder what songs weve lost. I wonder how hed sound today. Nirvana surely would have disbanded and kurt would have gone michael stipe on us but that was a far better endimg tham what we got. He robbed all of us his family friends and his fans. It still resonates twenty years later. This blog is dead and so is kurt but the music lives on. I will always posttoday forever.

It was a normal day. I watched baseball spoke on the phone ups downs you know life. I wish I was still living in a world I could share w kurt cobain and I did for 12 years. I didnt know him. Our paths merely crossed briefly once and that was it. None of it mattered. All that mattered was the music a gift we still have. After 20 years I just am sad wondering what could have been and what we lost when kurt cobain decided to end his life. This is rambling but its really a story about a son who through his music saved a sick kid from florida he met one night in 1993. Peace love empathy wherever you are kurt cobain. The world is a far less special place without you.

res ipsa loquitor

Friday, April 5, 2013

Forever In Debt For Your Priceless Advice

Another year another april 5. The blog is dead but april 5 I still enjoy remembering kurt cobain. 19 years. Its like visiting with an old familiar friend. It reminds me of my youth good times and bad. I lived out a dream this year having drain you played at my wedding. It was a great day and im very lucky to have found my. I feel so far removed frombmy discovery of nirvana. I guess this is how beatles fans must feel. The sense of sadness over his death is always there the lament of all the songs well never get to hear and the overall sensation of feeling cheated isbas strong today as ever. The music never gets old. For me at least. I go months between listening to them now. Music always helped define me. Jeff buckley elliott smith kurt cobain helped me express my sadness through their words. Im not sad anymore my personal life is stable and I just dont have a need to lament things that never were since I almost have all I want in life. That does not mean nirvana and kurt cobain have been erased from my life the music has evolved to mean something else now at thirty years old. The music helps me remember everything good and bad aboutlife and no longer plays an active role in my life. Ill always love kurt cobains music and lament his death. Iveoutlived kurt by three years which always feels strange to me. I never knew him so it shouldnt be that way butbhe was a generational hero and musical savior and that is why everyone still listens to nirvana. Im glad hes not forgotten and im glad to have the music but like everything written or said about kurt today theres that postscript that he died way too young. He was a father and husband and should have stuck around for them and if he had wed all geto share the music as a very special ancilary benefit. I miss the joy of getting a new nirvana record. Im sad ill never do that again but am grateful for the memories of youth I got from kurts music. Peace love empathy kurt cobain.I hope youve found your peace somewhere I the universe that eluded you here. Peace love empathy to all J

Sunday, April 8, 2012

Goodbye My Friend Its Hard To Die

So once again I've gone on another hiatus. I made it through spring training in one piece. I still have all my clients I kinda have my health and I have a girlfriend. All good things. For the vast majority of my life Ive had my career in order and my personal life in shambles yet for the first time in forever its the opposite which is nice but eventually I would love for both to be on the same level. Obviously I made it a point to write again today because it is the 18th anniversary of the discovery of Kurt Cobains body in the greenhouse in his Seattle home. Kurt shot himself april 5th 1994 but was not found until three days later. Ive posted every year on 4/5 or 4/8 to talk about kurt but Ill be very brief. The older I get the further removed I become from my childhood and the further removed I become from those early days of finding Nirvana. Kurt Cobain and his music put my life on a path that I never would have found had it not been for him. It was okay to be different it was okay to ask questions and it was okay not to fall in line. Being different was cool and from the time i first saw nirvana at bayfront park in 1993 til now I have always made it a point to question everything, always be different, and always do my best to stay true to myself. I owe a lot to Nirvana and I will always lament the music Kurt never got to make. Heres to the musician that changed my life, three chords and the truth. Mahalo


Monday, February 27, 2012

How To Disappear Completely

I feel like writing again after a long hiatus. I have had a ton of things happen and I havent had any outlets to get stuff out. I have a lot going on and a lot of ideas. I have my health issues and my family has had its share of problems as well. Its hard dealing with very private issues so publicly. I hate it and I wish so much of it would just go away. I'm happy to be as relevant as ever in my profession since that means all my clients are playing well. I've had to deal with a lot of jealousy from other agents in my age bracket since the majority of them are struggling to stay afloat while I keep on trucking. It's a lot easier to write about being an agent than actually being one, just ask the players which they would prefer, a guy willing to grind it out and do all the leg work or someone who just talks about the moral high ground in lieu of actually doing any actual work. There are a ton of frauds at the bottom of the industry but once you get past that you get the sharks at the top. I'm just trying to stay afloat a little bit longer since I am almost at the finish line. I am so thankful I have my clients in my life because without those relationships I would have no one right now outside of a few family members and a couple of good friends. I love these guys for everything they have allowed me to do with my life and I am so thankful I can still get up each morning to do this job. Maybe I'll disappear completely again after this post, maybe Ill write again tomorrow. I dont know anymore. All I know is that this is going to be a special year for me professionally and if I could just get the personal life on par with the career Ill have accomplished everything Ive ever wanted to do and that is all anyone could ever ask for, my health be damned.



Saturday, August 27, 2011

Wont You Believe It Its Just My Luck

Sept. came early for Taylor Green. Very happy for a very special young man from a very special family. Ive known the Greens for 6 years now and I can say today is one of the more special days in my career. Every time one of my clients achieves his dream of playing in the major leagues its a great moment but when you're with someone as long as Ive been with Taylor it adds a little something extra to the moment. I remember all the struggles and sacrifices he has mad going through the minors going from late round draft after thought to minor league player of the year to major leaguer. What an impressive situation.

Can't wait til 9/1


Friday, August 26, 2011

Nice Life

Ill get to this soon.

Saturday, August 13, 2011

The Only Time I Miss You Is Every Single Day

It seems that real life has gotten in the way of my writing ambitions and for the 12 readers that follow this I am very sorry. Ive always enjoyed writing here. I hope someday to be super active like I was in the past. I hope deep down I didnt stop writing because I became so jaded that I didnt think this mattered. If anything for a time it always mattered to me and then one day.....boom it was gone.

Work has its usual ups and downs. Had another guy promoted to the big leagues yesterday. Thats 5 total +8 40 man guys. Not bad for a one man band.

I made a very conscious decision to tone it down this year. I dont know why but in retrospect it seems like a very poor decision. I am going to do my best to really write as much as I can on here. Its been a tough time personally lately but as noted professionally Im the best ive ever been.

If anyone wants to reach me I can still be found at