Wednesday, April 5, 2023

The Priest They Called him

 29 years.



It never slows down does it? I do this every year, like a parent checking his kids height on a door post.


Its funny how kurts been a throughline my whole life. His band too


Im old now. Youthful rage has turned into 40 year old apathy. You cant change the world if you dont change yourself. Kurt was a really damaged guy. I met alot of peeps like him in comedy I think.


And then one day the stories over

Life moves on and the apex you thought you were at moves because life moves and the people alive cheering you arent all alive anymore and the new peeps here just dont get it...they got their own that you arent part of. Its theirs. Respect.


But this is mine. Always will be. Will live the lessons to make the world better


Otherwise whats the point



Teenage angst has paid off well



Now I am bored 



And old.



Res ipsa loquitor


.j


Tuesday, April 5, 2022

I Made An Easy Friend

 So this year it has been 28 years since Kurt died at age 27. Hes been dead longer than he was alive, a fate shared by literally everyone who has ever lived. The difference here is that Kurt was here already when I was born then died when I was 11. And now im 28 years later and the music matters as much now as it did when I was a kid. People come and go. They disappoint you. They arent perfect. But music is forever. The things you make end up being made better than the person who made them. That happens. Thats life. 

My own life has been so fucked up from jump Immediately related to Kurt Cobain. His mom has the same name as my own too. Kurt said he always felt like an alien and that he got dropped on earth alone. Then through life different other aliens would enter his life and theyd find each other and wouldnt be alone anymore. I get it. Still do.

I never knew the person. I own some of his things. I love the art. All of it. I learned so much from his life. Im grateful for the record. 

His ethos lives on in people like me.  The in utero liner notes said 

"If any of you in any way hate homosexuals, people of different color, or women, please do this one favor for us-leave us the fuck alone! Don't come to our shows and don't buy our records."

I live this everday. I try so hard to live up to this myself everyday. I fuck up alot. But ill always try to do better. Cant quit. I learned that myself.

My rage has lessened at age 39. Ill be 40 soon. Life is never whats in your head. Im an athiest but these words spoke to me in a way nothing else has in the 28 years since I first heard them. Kurt once said


Hate your enemies

Save your friends

Find your place

Speak the truth


I live that every day too. Its exhausting and isolating but I sleep ok knowing I help my friends and I dont lie. One day I still hope to find my place and someone to do all this with. Solitude is peaceful and addicting but its not in my nature to stop. Andbagainst logic I still hate my enemies. Im trying really hard not to. I still do. But im trying.


Res ipsa Loquitor


Peace Love Empathy



Jak


Monday, April 5, 2021

I Thought You Died A Long Long Time Ago

 I write here once a year. It helps. I never plan ahead and write how I feel when I sign on. Always have.


So Kurt died 27 years ago. As long as he was alive. We passed the John Lennon event horizon and now he really is history. Its bizarre. Hes alive now as he was when I was 11 in spirit as I didnt know him. The sadness of not hearing new songs from him never waned and his lost still reverberates dailey. Ive never have an artist impact my life the way Kurt impacted my own. I hope somewhere in space Ill get to tell him sometime. 


Thanks for the 27 years. Heres to eternity



Peace love empathy Kurt


J-



Sunday, April 5, 2020

26 and counting

Im 37 years old. Ten years older than Kurt was when he died. Crazy what that decade held. Marriage..divorce. sickness. Health. Corona. Pets. Deaths and thefts. Crazy times.  Usually i lament the man and the music.

I still love it. I miss it. I miss new music being exciting. Ill never have it back. That energy you get as a kid when a new cd came out. The album cover. The book inside. The promise of the words. Music. All the gloriois music. Ill miss it forever.

I hope people keep discovering kurt Cobain.  I remember him while he was alive.  I remember it all. Ill miss it forever.


Peace love empathy

J

Friday, April 5, 2019

25 Years Ago Kurt Cobain committed suicide

Man. Life goes by fast. We all mark the passage of time with events. 9/11, sports, death.  This is definitely a marker. I was 12. I knew who I wanted to become in 1994 and I didnt know how. Kurt Cobain is the one artist that got through to that 12 year old. He told me I could be quirky and weird and still do whatever I wanted to do as myself. Hate your enemies save your friends find your place and speak the truth. I love women and minorities and gay people because I got a head start on understanding not everyone grows up the same thanks to kurt Cobains music. I owe him  so much. Its a weird feeling being indebted to someone who isnt family or friends. He was my hero good and bad. A flawed hero. A voice of a generation. A fathe son and dad. We all lost that voice way too soon. Everything has been slightly worse since then too. Hes gone and hes never coming back. Cherish what we have. I wake up every morning knowing one day im going to die. I just try to figure out how to best use the time im alotted and hope for the best. And while im hoping....my soundtrack to life is so much better because Ill always be rocking Nirvana.


Peace love empathy Kurt. We all miss you.
J


Posted is the show from Bayfront park I went to in 1993 w my step brother. Enjoy.

Thursday, April 5, 2018

That Stupid Club

27 Years
324 Months
9855 Days
236520 Hours
14191200 Minutes
851472000 Seconds

Thats all we got. It wasnt enough. It didnt matter, as it would never be enough. And that is part of why hes gone. I always got it. The music spoke right to me. Still does. I think about Nirvana everyday. Kurt Cobain changed my life and a part of me will always show that I think. He brought the truth and in a world absent of truth a man like Kurt is sorely missed. 24 years man. Hes almost been dead as long as he was alive and itll never make sense.


J


Top 27 list

1. Drain You- Nirvana
2. Needle In The Hay- Elliott Smith
3. Forget Her - Jeff Buckley
4. Holland 1945- Neutral Milk Hotel
5. Road To Joy- Bright Eyes
6. You and I (Could be so happy)- Jeff Buckley
7. All Apologies- Nirvana
8. Gimme The Loot- Notorious B.I.G.
9. Where Is My Mind- Pixies
10. Role Model- Eminem
11. Straight Outta Compton- NWA
12. Dissolved Girl- Massive Attack
13. Wake Up- Arcade Fire
14. East Hastings- Godspeed You! Black Emporer
15. Would?- Alice in Chains
16. Smack My Bitch Up- Prodigy
17. Coatcheck Dream Song- Bright Eyes
18. Kool Thing- Sonic Youth
19. I Love You Mary Jane- Cypress Hill w Sonic Youth
20. The National Anthem- Radiohead
21. Spin Spin Sugar- Sneaker Pimps
22. The World Has Turned- Weezer
23. Yonkers- Tyler the Creator
24. Something Against You- Pixies
25. DNA- Kendrick Lamar
26. Jesus Christ Pose- Soundgarden
27. You Know You're Right- Nirvana
--------


Wednesday, April 5, 2017

Afraid Of Never Knowing Fear

Another year. 23. Strange times and odd vibrations in the USA these days. 2017 is a very different world than 2007 and 2007 was very different than 1994. Kurt Cobain is still dead and its been 23 years. It hurts the same way in the same spot of my heart every year. I did not know him, I met him once as a kid, he was not family, he was a unique alien from another world who gifted us 200 some odd songs to last us a life time and even then it will always feel like it wasnt enough time because it was not in fact enough time. Nirvana basically lasted from 88 until April 5th 1994. Their prime was 91 to 94 and merely released 3 albums in Kurt Cobains life and even then that has to show how important his voice was is and always will be. Nirvana is my favorite band and Kurt Cobain is my favorite artist ever. He is missed and sorely needed. He killed hair metal and ushered in the best music the world has ever heard.  I always quote the 4 chords and the truth and nobody did it better. I miss his music and I will go listen to my favorites now


Mahalo


J