Thursday, April 5, 2018

That Stupid Club

27 Years
324 Months
9855 Days
236520 Hours
14191200 Minutes
851472000 Seconds

Thats all we got. It wasnt enough. It didnt matter, as it would never be enough. And that is part of why hes gone. I always got it. The music spoke right to me. Still does. I think about Nirvana everyday. Kurt Cobain changed my life and a part of me will always show that I think. He brought the truth and in a world absent of truth a man like Kurt is sorely missed. 24 years man. Hes almost been dead as long as he was alive and itll never make sense.


Top 27 list

1. Drain You- Nirvana
2. Needle In The Hay- Elliott Smith
3. Forget Her - Jeff Buckley
4. Holland 1945- Neutral Milk Hotel
5. Road To Joy- Bright Eyes
6. You and I (Could be so happy)- Jeff Buckley
7. All Apologies- Nirvana
8. Gimme The Loot- Notorious B.I.G.
9. Where Is My Mind- Pixies
10. Role Model- Eminem
11. Straight Outta Compton- NWA
12. Dissolved Girl- Massive Attack
13. Wake Up- Arcade Fire
14. East Hastings- Godspeed You! Black Emporer
15. Would?- Alice in Chains
16. Smack My Bitch Up- Prodigy
17. Coatcheck Dream Song- Bright Eyes
18. Kool Thing- Sonic Youth
19. I Love You Mary Jane- Cypress Hill w Sonic Youth
20. The National Anthem- Radiohead
21. Spin Spin Sugar- Sneaker Pimps
22. The World Has Turned- Weezer
23. Yonkers- Tyler the Creator
24. Something Against You- Pixies
25. DNA- Kendrick Lamar
26. Jesus Christ Pose- Soundgarden
27. You Know You're Right- Nirvana

Wednesday, April 5, 2017

Afraid Of Never Knowing Fear

Another year. 23. Strange times and odd vibrations in the USA these days. 2017 is a very different world than 2007 and 2007 was very different than 1994. Kurt Cobain is still dead and its been 23 years. It hurts the same way in the same spot of my heart every year. I did not know him, I met him once as a kid, he was not family, he was a unique alien from another world who gifted us 200 some odd songs to last us a life time and even then it will always feel like it wasnt enough time because it was not in fact enough time. Nirvana basically lasted from 88 until April 5th 1994. Their prime was 91 to 94 and merely released 3 albums in Kurt Cobains life and even then that has to show how important his voice was is and always will be. Nirvana is my favorite band and Kurt Cobain is my favorite artist ever. He is missed and sorely needed. He killed hair metal and ushered in the best music the world has ever heard.  I always quote the 4 chords and the truth and nobody did it better. I miss his music and I will go listen to my favorites now



Tuesday, April 5, 2016

I'm Old, I'm Old, Or Thats What I've Been Told

22 years man. Its been a lifetime, more than enough time to buy a beer. It's terrible. The death is terrible. The loss of a parent is terrible. And selfishly for the general public like myself who did not know Kurt Cobain, it is terrible we lost his voice. God do we need that voice. He was a trailblazer in every sense of the word and now we're stuck with a copy of a copy of a copy in the form of just garbage music. I miss the new songs. I am grateful there have been new works of Kurts that have finally come to the light. I honestly thought You know You're Right would be the last new words I would ever hear from Kurt Cobain but thankfully a demo record was cut and a couple documentaries were made. They were enlightening and sad. It wasn't quite torture porn but it almost was. This obsession over Nirvana is not all that perplexing. The music is timeless and the man committed suicide at 27. Those two things will be linked forever. He was the savior of music much to his families chagrin and because of that burden (and lots of drugs and depression) we were not able to hold on to Kurt Cobain longer. 27 years and he lived a life time.

Peace Love Empathy Kurt Cobain

We miss you terrible

Res Ipsa Loquitor


Wednesday, April 8, 2015

After Dinner I Had Ice Cream

21 years since Kurt Cobains body was found. 21 YEARS. That is absurd to me. Time keeps moving on without Nirvana. Life goes on. I have 32. I have lived  5 years longer than Kurt got to. He robbed the world, his wife, his daughter, his family and friends of his presence and talent. He was a generational talent. The world needs another Kurt Cobain. I am anxiously awaiting the HBO Documentary on 5/4/14 one day after my 33rd birthday. It will be the first time in a decade I will hear a new Nirvana song. A new song by Kurt Cobain in 2015. It might be the last time I get to experience that. Thats always the worst part of the story as a fan. Ive always felt a connection to the music since I grew up at the right time in this universe. I was 10 when I found Nirvana and 12 when he died. And to this day no other band has touched me the way Nirvana has. Elliott Smith came close, Jeff Buckley too. But there never will be another Kurt Cobain. Peace Love Empathy KDC, Grandma take me home I want to be alone.

Res Ipsa Loquitor 


Saturday, April 5, 2014

into the 20 year void a story about a son. all in all is all we are

Todwy my friend got married, monday is my wifes birthday, I turn 32 may third. I saw nirvana play at bayfront park as a child. I have his autograph and concert ticcket in my office. All my heroes are dead. Elliott smith jeff buckley and kurt. The first music I fel in love with. I bought inutero in fifth grade and got my first Pl ixies sonic youth nirvana underground tape a month after kurt died while in middle school. Im an obsessive nirvana fan. I danced to drain you at my wedding. Mission accomplished.

I wonder what songs weve lost. I wonder how hed sound today. Nirvana surely would have disbanded and kurt would have gone michael stipe on us but that was a far better endimg tham what we got. He robbed all of us his family friends and his fans. It still resonates twenty years later. This blog is dead and so is kurt but the music lives on. I will always posttoday forever.

It was a normal day. I watched baseball spoke on the phone ups downs you know life. I wish I was still living in a world I could share w kurt cobain and I did for 12 years. I didnt know him. Our paths merely crossed briefly once and that was it. None of it mattered. All that mattered was the music a gift we still have. After 20 years I just am sad wondering what could have been and what we lost when kurt cobain decided to end his life. This is rambling but its really a story about a son who through his music saved a sick kid from florida he met one night in 1993. Peace love empathy wherever you are kurt cobain. The world is a far less special place without you.

res ipsa loquitor

Friday, April 5, 2013

Forever In Debt For Your Priceless Advice

Another year another april 5. The blog is dead but april 5 I still enjoy remembering kurt cobain. 19 years. Its like visiting with an old familiar friend. It reminds me of my youth good times and bad. I lived out a dream this year having drain you played at my wedding. It was a great day and im very lucky to have found my. I feel so far removed frombmy discovery of nirvana. I guess this is how beatles fans must feel. The sense of sadness over his death is always there the lament of all the songs well never get to hear and the overall sensation of feeling cheated isbas strong today as ever. The music never gets old. For me at least. I go months between listening to them now. Music always helped define me. Jeff buckley elliott smith kurt cobain helped me express my sadness through their words. Im not sad anymore my personal life is stable and I just dont have a need to lament things that never were since I almost have all I want in life. That does not mean nirvana and kurt cobain have been erased from my life the music has evolved to mean something else now at thirty years old. The music helps me remember everything good and bad aboutlife and no longer plays an active role in my life. Ill always love kurt cobains music and lament his death. Iveoutlived kurt by three years which always feels strange to me. I never knew him so it shouldnt be that way butbhe was a generational hero and musical savior and that is why everyone still listens to nirvana. Im glad hes not forgotten and im glad to have the music but like everything written or said about kurt today theres that postscript that he died way too young. He was a father and husband and should have stuck around for them and if he had wed all geto share the music as a very special ancilary benefit. I miss the joy of getting a new nirvana record. Im sad ill never do that again but am grateful for the memories of youth I got from kurts music. Peace love empathy kurt cobain.I hope youve found your peace somewhere I the universe that eluded you here. Peace love empathy to all J

Sunday, April 8, 2012

Goodbye My Friend Its Hard To Die

So once again I've gone on another hiatus. I made it through spring training in one piece. I still have all my clients I kinda have my health and I have a girlfriend. All good things. For the vast majority of my life Ive had my career in order and my personal life in shambles yet for the first time in forever its the opposite which is nice but eventually I would love for both to be on the same level. Obviously I made it a point to write again today because it is the 18th anniversary of the discovery of Kurt Cobains body in the greenhouse in his Seattle home. Kurt shot himself april 5th 1994 but was not found until three days later. Ive posted every year on 4/5 or 4/8 to talk about kurt but Ill be very brief. The older I get the further removed I become from my childhood and the further removed I become from those early days of finding Nirvana. Kurt Cobain and his music put my life on a path that I never would have found had it not been for him. It was okay to be different it was okay to ask questions and it was okay not to fall in line. Being different was cool and from the time i first saw nirvana at bayfront park in 1993 til now I have always made it a point to question everything, always be different, and always do my best to stay true to myself. I owe a lot to Nirvana and I will always lament the music Kurt never got to make. Heres to the musician that changed my life, three chords and the truth. Mahalo